


No Heart But Yours

by tide_ms



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tide_ms/pseuds/tide_ms
Summary: One lie lasts long enough for something real to exist.
Relationships: Kim Minji | JiU/Lee Siyeon, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 87
Collections: DC Secret Santa 2020





	No Heart But Yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [somniums](https://archiveofourown.org/users/somniums/gifts).



> Chuseok's date here is based on 2022 calendar because I mis-read it when I did research. I actually didn't get to incorporate all that I wanted due to RL, so the holiday feel isn't quite there. Apologies!
> 
> It was, however, a joy to write this fic.

  
Siyeon believes that being in a relationship is not the epitome of success, yet when she finds out that her high school rival-slash-distant rich cousin is attending Bora's belated birthday party, worry of being seen as having failed in life strikes her hard.

She has no doubt that Hyeyeon will joke about whether she's finally found someone or not, and when Siyeon'll say she's currently single, Hyeyeon will give her the look.

"What look?" Minji asks, still attentively listening to her complaint while sipping her coffee.

Siyeon doesn't know how long she's been talking about this, but Bora is still on her phone, presumably still chatting with Hyeyeon's friend's friend, and her legs ache from pacing the living room.

"The look, unnie!" Siyeon pauses to explain. "You know, the one sneak bullies give you when they're about to mock you."

"That was a long time ago, though, she could've changed," Minji points out.

"She didn't! We met a couple of years ago, when I not only wasn't dating anyone but also not an idol like I said I'd be, and she was still the same. I don't want her to see me while I'm single, again. Dating and sex were literally all she talked about with her friends during class, during breaks, whenever I saw her in PC bangs—like, she did that with all the girls who didn't date, but still! She made a point of bringing me down with this thing when she couldn't with anything else."

She walks over to the couch and flops between her two friends. "I'm not going. Sorry, unnie, but I am not going. I don't want her bad energy around me."

Siyeon closes her eyes. She is being ridiculous, she knows, but Hyeyeon and her goons made high school stressful for her.

She frowns, though, already regretting her outburst, but when Minji places her hand on the top of her head and pats her comfortingly, she feels increasingly... valid.

"Fuck her. You'll go and have fun," Bora says seriously. "Oh, even better, you'll get to brag about Dystopia. If she's still a bully, that'll definitely make her livid."

That's a good point. Dystopia is one of the most successful video games companies in South Korea, and Siyeon'll be the voice actress of one of the new characters in their hit video game. It'll pay good, and she'll get to build a fanbase.

Siyeon grumbles, "you're probably right," but still doesn't fully feel better. "But what if it doesn't?"

"Hey, I'm single too," Minji reminds her, "we'll stick together at the party."

Siyeon wails. "Unnie, no! That's the wor—"

Bora gasps, interrupting her. "That's it!"

"What?" Minji asks.

"You two can go together!" Bora says brightly. "Together together, I mean! Like a couple, no one will know."

Siyeon scowls because it is not the time to make jokes, but before she can form a reply, Minji is speaking thoughtfully, "huh, that's... surprisingly not a bad idea." She strokes her hair with her everlasting familiar softness. "What do you think?"

Minji isn't joking — and okay, Bora wasn't joking, either, judging by the anticipation and genuineness written all over her face — she looks at her with so much care, she feels so welcoming of the idea that Siyeon doesn't process it. She just asks, shocked, "really?"

  
They go through the pros and cons of the idea. It's a short list for a one night thing, that is in and of itself is a huge pro, so they go with it.

Then at some point throughout the two days till the party, Siyeon gets anxious and calls her best friend.

She says "are you sure about this? What if you see someone you like?!" instead of a greeting. Minji sounds confused at first, but then she's smiling. Siyeon hears it in her sleepy voice and it's what brings her peace even before her answer does. "No dating for me until I save up ninety percent for the bakery, remember? stop worrying, singnie."

Siyeon gets unanticipatedly nervous when their friends and Bora's colleagues start trickling into the lazily-decorated apartment, that nervousness skyrockets when Hyeyeon comes in.

  
"You know," Yoohyeon tells her quietly when she hurriedly looks for Minji, "you could've just lied."

Both Handong and Yubin react with dread and a shake from their heads.

"No, absolutely not."

"Unnie, you can't lie. Literally."

Siyeon rolls her eyes. "I don't want to lie, it'll hurt my pride more."

"Pretending to be in a relationship is ly...ing," Yoohyeon's voice turns even lower as Siyeon glares at her, then suddenly brighter, "oh, hi Minji unnie—you guys look so cute tonight, you even wore matching colors. It's so cute." She looks at Handong and Yubin. "Aren't they cute?"

Siyeon stares at her friend in embarrassment that flees when she feels Minji's arm around her waist. When Minji meets her eyes and, as she pets her waist, asks gently, "good?" regarding her arm's placement.

Siyeon nods.

She is irreversibly comforted and steadied by Minji's beaming smile and heart-warming reply to Yoohyeon, "you know what's even cuter?" Minji shows off the couple rings she's bought to make their pretense unfalteringly believable; she entwines her fingers with Siyeon's, and lifts their right hands. Two small bands are coiled around their index fingers. "I got them yesterday."

Yubin hums as she looks at them, while Handong and Yoohyeon comment simultaenously with, "they're pretty," and "wow, you're really committing."

"Right?" Minji responds to Handong.

Siyeon grits her teeth as she meets Yoohyeon's bratty smile with "yah, keep teasing me and I'll throw your gift for Bora unnie out the window."

"That's okay, I've prepared another gift for her," Yoohyeon replies shyly, brushing her already neat hair behind her ear.

She's blushing. Blushing!

Minji chuckles, saying, "when did you get so bold?" while Handong gasps, swatting her arm, and Yubin squirms in apprehension.

Siyeon would've taken that chance to tease her friend, especially when she looks sincerely shy as she laughs it off, but Gahyeon comes along with a shocked "why are you blushing like that?" directed at Yoohyeon, and in moving to make room for their friend, Siyeon becomes acutely aware of the way Minji holds her; strong, naturally finding the right posture to pull her in, intimate.

It feels nice.

Siyeon readily ignores that thought and that feeling because she and Minji have hugged a million time and more before. This is nothing new, it's nervousness getting under her skin.

  
Minji doesn't let go of her throughout the party. When they end up in a conversation with Hyeyeon, she makes it very clear that they're happy and that she is proud of her. She does so with words, with a kiss on her temple, with a gentle and loving look from her eyes as they answer Hyeyeon's nosy questions.

Siyeon is elated with having Hyeyeon lack the opportunities to ruin her mood and negatively affect her spirits. That elation shoots to the sky when a look of envy and irritation paints Hyeyeon's features upon finding out about Dystopia.

  
When the last of the guests leaves, a couple of hours later, Siyeon announces, "tomorrow, I'll feel like a loser for lying, but right now. You, Minji unnie, is my hero and I owe you big time. Big time!"

Minji chuckles. "Big enough to take my part in cleaning?"

"Hell yeah!"

Minji doesn't actually let her take all of her work.

Surprisingly, Siyeon doesn't spend as much time feeling awful and embarrassed about lying as she's expected.

But days later, she gets waves of dread and regret crashing down on her when her mother calls and asks her about her girlfriend of four months that she hasn't known anything about, which led to a very embarrassing moment with the aunties she gathers with occassionally.

Siyeon should tell the truth, but instead goes for the lie. She has to.

She's getting flashes of red by the second as she explains to her mother how she and Minji have wanted to keep their relationship a secret until they were absolutely sure they wanted to be together, and the other night was simply the first time they've announced it.

  
Siyeon probably shouldn't tell Minji about the mess she's created while Minji is busy with work. But she can't possibly wait until Minji closes the bakery hours later, so she goes to her.

Now, she should speak quickly because an emergency five minutes break in the staff room isn't an enough time, but Siyeon freezes upon seeing Minji's worry.

"Singnie?"

Minji looks tired and Siyeon feels guilt suffocate her.

"Mom thinks we're dating and I panicked and confirmed that we are," Siyeon blurts out. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, unnie. I'm really sorry, she was angry I didn't tell her about us when she's always wished to see me happy, and—and because she found out through Hyeyeon's aunt, which I... fucking completely forget she's talking to again, and she barely managed to avoid a huge humiliation in front of the aunties she hangs out with by pretending like she knew, and I... I just... panicked. I told her we were going to visit her and dad soon, tell them in person about us."

There's a blank look on Minji's face, then she blinks, and Siyeon sees the meaning of what she's just said sink in.

"Unnie, I'm sorry," she repeats in a quiet breath. Her heart is pounding in her chest painfully, yet she tries to remain composed. Face the consequences. "I'm really sorry."

"That's... Uh—I don't know what to say."

Siyeon hears annoyance, or anger, she isn't sure.

She swallows thickly. "I'll tell her we broke up—if it's okay with you we keep pretending, just for a week. Or—or two. Or I'll tell her it isn't real! I'll call her now and tell her the truth, please don't be mad—"

Minji is nearing her in heartbeat, eyes widened and words of comfort slipping from her mouth. "Hey, hey, don't do that! I get what happened and I'm not angry at you." She holds her, she cups her cheek the same she always does; gently offering her strength. "It's just... completely unexpected."

Siyeon nods shakily. "I'll clear things up."

"Your mother will be angry if she finds out it's a lie, Siyeon-ah."

"I can handle it, you don't have to."

"Well, I want to handle it with you. It's not a big deal."

"How is it not a big deal, unnie?! It's dating!"

"And your mother has been worried you're sacrificing love for work, singnie, you'd have told her the truth if you didn't think it'd break her heart and get her even more worried."

Minji continues, "we can pretend for a while and fake a break up later, it won't be strange that we're remaining as friends because I'm Bora's ex and we're best friends, your mother knows that."

Siyeon wants to insist, but her calm and clarity are returning to her by the time Minji finishes.

"It could get complicated, and then you could get upset with me—I don't want that, unnie. I don't ever want that."

Minji shakes her head.

"We both made the decision to pretend we're dating, this is the result of it and I won't let you go through it alone, especially not when we have a chance to avoid any misunderstanding or issue."

Siyeon rubs her temple. She's filled with uncertainty.

"I don't want to lie to them," Siyeon says weakly, and Minji knows her well enough to read that there's more to say. "I really don't, but... it's not just me not dating for almost a year, I never told mom about Hyeyeon. She treated many girls like shit, so I knew it wasn't personal. I didn't want to cause trouble between our families."

Minji hugs her. "It'll be fine, okay? Trust me on this."

Siyeon's heart leaps upon hearing those words.

Siyeon doesn't hesitate to nod.

They make a plan, a timeline for how long their relationship will last, and they will not tell Minji's parents. They list the things they like about each other and imagine being girlfriends, they can't rely solely on their platonic love for each other to prevent their eyes from betraying them.

Bora suggests they practice intimacy, to make their faking believable, and it's a bad idea. Bad enough that it shocks Minji.

They have one night until the trip to Daegu, they've gotten their story straight and Minji's bought wine and chocolate.

"We're meeting her parents—her parents!" Minji lets out.

"Mhm, and you don't look like a couple. I'll give you, like, ten minutes before they find out you're lying."

"And your suggestion is for us to be intimate in front of them?!"

Siyeon can feel the stress in Minji's voice, and earlier, she felt the hastiness of her movements as they walked back to her apartment. She gazes at her, a pang of guilt takes over her heart painfully.

She wants to say something, anything that can make things not nerve-wrecking. But she resigns to remaining silent as she settles on the couch she's often slept on during the nights she spent at her friends' place.

Bora rolls her eyes. "Not that kind of intimacy, what the hell do you think of me? I meant the way you hold and move around each other. Oh, and did you prepare small talk? Finishing each other's sentences will do wonders."

"Have you not heard the part where we don't want to go over the top with it?" Minji stares at their friend intensely, then seems to give up. "Never mind. I need to shower."

Siyeon watches her leave before meeting Bora's eyes.

"She's just nervous, you know that, right? don't think she's angry at you."

Siyeon nods, lying down. "I just wish I handled things differently."

"Hey, your intentions were good, and in my opinion, they still are."

"I've never lied to them, unnie." Siyeon covers her face with hands and groans.

"And doing so, especially for the reason you did, doesn't make you a bad daughter," Bora says with sympathy.

Siyeon nods, she knows her friend is right. She's reasoned it herself already, but still...

She hears Bora getting up, and yawning.

"Wanna sleep with me?"

Siyeon sighs. "I want to write down a few things. See if I can make a song out of them. You go ahead, unnie." She smiles when she sees Bora smiling.

"'Night."

Siyeon hums.

  
Siyeon doesn't manage to write down anything. Her mind is unwaveringly fixated on tomorrow. She tries and tries, and when she gives up, sleep doesn't come to her.

Not before Minji comes to her a couple of hours later.

Minji doesn't switch on the lights, but Siyeon makes up that she's dressed in her pajamas, hair resting on her back, and that she's hesitating.

"Singnie?"

"Hm?"

Minji nears her with quiet steps, and she sits near Siyeon's knees comfortably. Her vanilla scent hits Siyeon slowly, it's light, makes Siyeon unknowingly want more, and the smile appearing on her lips tugs at her heart with ease.

"Can't sleep?"

"No," Siyeon mumbles.

"I... was being grumpy earlier, sorry about that."

Siyeon scrambles to reassure her. "You're doing me a huge favor, unnie, you get to be grumpy."

"Don't say that, we're friends. If we don't help each other in things like this, then in what?" Minji sighs, resting her hand on her thigh casually. "I'm nervous, that's all. I didn't think I'd be this nervous."

"Yeah, I feel the same way." Siyeon sits upright, and speaks softly. "I actually still can't believe we went from saving my pride to acting out this huge lie."

Minji caresses her thigh. She comforts her with, "life's unpredictable like that, but... good news is: there's always a bright side, I think."

Siyeon chuckles, and as she asks, "what is it here?"

Unknowingly, she's happy and relieved that Minji is close like this. Sitting with her, no barriers between their hearts, naturally comforting her with soft touches and words and affection.

Siyeon wishes that this moment will last, that Minji won't move away an inch.

"You'll get to see your parents, I'll get to experience meeting my girlfriend's parents," Minji says, raising her hands to air-quote girlfriend, "or... practice-meeting, I guess."

Siyeon becomes aware of her wish when Minji lifts her hand and returns it to her thigh, she becomes puzzled at the sudden sweet tightness in her chest and the heat in her body.

She ignores it. Everything in her mind feels jumbled up; her body must be affected by that.

However, she stutters when she says, "but you met Bora unnie's parents?"

Minji hums. "After we broke up. It was... slightly awkward, but only because they couldn't believe we weren't in love and just liked each other's company enough to remain friends."

Siyeon isn't one hundred percent focused on anything beyond Minji's hand. But then Minji relaxes on the couch, trapping her legs, and she shakes off the weird ideas from her head.

"A practice, that does sound like a bright side."

Minji reacts after a moment. She laughs calmly. "It actually sounds pitiful, uh."

"No, it isn't pitiful." Siyeon grasps her arm, eager to reassure her. "I promise it isn't, unnie."

She hugs her without thinking, as always. Minji accepts her hug instantly, as always.

"And honestly, if I'm ever introducing a girlfriend to my family, I'd want her to be like you. Exactly like you—but not in a creepy way!" Siyeon retreats to look at her friend. "You're a kind person, unnie. That's how I meant it."

Minji is smiling at her.

"And..." Siyeon says, fear trickling in her heart. "...don't tell Bora unnie I said that."

"Are you kidding? This is jackpot, of course I'll tell her. She'll glare at me for days!"

Siyeon whines as quietly as she can. "Don't be mean." She unintentionally pouts, but she also feels soothed by Minji's laughter. "Anyway..." she drawls, lying down again. "We should sleep, it's getting late."

"Okay, okay." Minji pets her knee, and gets up. "Sleep well, okay? Don't overthink tomorrow."

"Me?! You don't overthink it."

Minji just chuckles sweetly.

Siyeon feels happiness return to her.

On the train ride to Daegu, they are quiet. Siyeon seeks ease in holding Minji's hand and playing with it, and Minji does so by laying her head on Siyeon's shoulder.

  
Siyeon's mother is still angry at her, but Siyeon is immediately begging for forgiveness and explaining herself.

Minji's stood a step behind; quiet and confident but with a respectful tilt to her head. She's smiling politely, but when Siyeon meets her eyes, they shimmer with reassurance and affection.

  
After a heartfelt explanation as to why they wanted to keep their relationship private; "we are best friends, mom, we didn't want to rush things and ruin our friendship. We're taking things slow, and we're happy like that," and pointing out that Minji's parents don't know, either, and after attempts from Siyeon's father to soften his wife's heart, Siyeon's mother relents.

She pats her head and regards Minji with a lot less tension now.

They eat lunch together. Siyeon and Minji sit close, and though they haven't planned to follow Bora's advice, they do end up finishing each other's sentences.

(Siyeon realizes that at some point, she realizes that they actually often do that whenever they're telling their friends the same story. That realization gives her a smile. And that same happiness from last night.)

  
Then that happiness deflates because she's just lied to her parents.

She's drying her hands after washing the dishes when Minji notices and whispers, "chin up."

Siyeon whips her head to look at her.

She's met with utter softness in Minji's eyes.

Siyeon swallows thickly, she is sorry to her parents and she does feel ashamed, but this is the best case scenario. She won't upset her mother and worry her.

Silently, Siyeon buries herself in Minji's arms.

Minji takes her in without hesitation, she takes her in with gentleness and a kiss on the top of her head and a sweet whisper, "I know, I know."

Siyeon doesn't want to let go of her. Again, she wishes they can stay like this for as long as they can.

As she presses her face into the warmth of Minji's neck, she tells herself they can hug again later, but a voice in her head tells her it won't be the same.

Later, they won't be pretending to be lovers.

Later, they will be just friends hugging, but now... now they're something more, and unreal though it is, it feels good.

Minji feels good.

Siyeon stills at that thought, at realizing a strange fire melting in her veins, swelling in her chest, and fluttering deep in her stomach.

Minji feels good, pressed against her in a way they haven't done before.

Siyeon recoils in disgust at herself for thinking that way. She startles Minji with that. Her throat bobs, her cheeks are burning so she only looks up momentarily. She doesn't know what to do with her hands.

To Minji's confusion, she says, "I—I think I heard footsteps."

Minji strokes her head and steps away. "We should probably leave now if we want to make it to your favorite tteokbokki place before we head back."

Siyeon looks at her again and finds her smiling brightly.

Siyeon's smile comes falteringly; nodding is the only answer she can give with how hard her heart is beating.

Avoiding Minji, as subtly as possible, is the only method she finds to deal with that stubbornly lingering and shameful desire for her best friend.

  
—

  
Minji hasn't been sleeping well.

After the visit to Siyeon's parents, she woke up with a pleasant thought in her head. A thought so good it'd filled her entire body and heart with warm satisfaction.

It was about Siyeon; about Siyeon in her arms, hugging her, kissing her, simply being pressed onto her like that day of the party.

It was about being with Siyeon, _intimately_.

Minji's eyes widened upon realizing how inappropriate she was being to her friend. Her _friend_.

She immediately wiped that thought from her mind with reproach. How could she think of her friend like that when Siyeon trusted her with such a delicate closeness?!

Minji spent that entire day, and the entire next day, scolding herself. She even avoided seeing Siyeon and their friends out of sorry.

  
After, Minji reasoned that incident. It'd been a while since she was with someone, and though that wasn't an excuse, but being physically close to Siyeon in a new way while having absolutely no reason to worry about awkwardness or feeling anything different from the times they hugged before must've messed up with her without her notice.

 _It was nothing_ , she reassured herself, _she wasn't being intentionally inappropriate. Accidental sexual arousal happens all the time._

She then reminded herself of their plan; the timeline of their lie.

Siyeon wouldn't mention her to her mother more than she usually did.

They'd visit Siyeon's parents the day before Chuseok. It wouldn't be a big affair with how busy Siyeon's father and Minji would be with work, but they'd at least have dinner together and spend the night there. Minji would leave the next morning. She'd visit her parents, and it wouldn't be strange that Siyeon wouldn't go with her.

Their break up would be some time in late October.

They would remain best friends.

  
It was a simple plan, Minji was pleased that she was helping her friend avoid troubling her mother.

But quickly enough she realized that Siyeon was being... distant.

Throughout the weeks until Chuseok, Siyeon'd greet her normally, brightly, she'd still come in to hers and Bora's home comfortably, but she'd no longer touch her.

Her usual and familiar touches on her hands and elbows.

She'd sit near her, but not close enough to lay her head on her shoulder or lean on her or hug her. She'd talk with her, but it would feel short and not enough.

Minji searched her head to figure out if she'd done or said something wrong without noticing, but she found nothing.

Fear soared as more and more instances of Siyeon avoiding contact with her occurred. Confusion lingered as she realized how anticipant she had been, waiting and yearning for Siyeon to get closer, to hold her right again.

  
So Minji hasn't been sleeping well; tiredness must be showing all over her face the day she and Siyeon will head to Daegu because Handong asks her, "is everything okay, unnie?"

Handong is driving her to Siyeon's dorm, then both of them to the train station. They've been slowly moving due to bad traffic, but there's an hour or so until the six p.m. trip.

"You look upset, even though you're trying not to," Handong adds with a soft smile. "You've been like that for the past few days."

Minji's first instinct is to not bother her friend when it's holiday time, especially when she must be nervous about spending it with Yubin's family for the first time, but the fact that Handong noticed means there's no point in hiding.

Minji leans back on the seat with a sigh. "I honestly don't know."

"Is it about you and Siyeon unnie?" Handong asks gingerly.

Minji doesn't want to say yes, it'll mean admitting the yearning in her heart and how painful it is. But she nods anyway.

"I see."

For a lengthy moment, there is silence and Minji is focusing on the languid movement of cars and how nice the day seems to be. It almost feels relaxing.

"I'm worried our friendship is changing because of this whole lie. Because we didn't prepare ourselves properly for it," Minji says.

Handong keeps her eyes on the road, silent and thinking, then eventually, she says, "the situation you both are in is tricky, I think no matter how thoroughly prepared you were for it, you're bound to face something completely unexpected or different from what you'd thought it'd be."

Handong glances at her, smiling tenderly.

"Your bond with Siyeon unnie is stronger than it, though. You know that, unnie, so just trust in it. In yours and Siyeon's love for each other."

Handong's voice has taken a note of seriousness that makes it easy to face the thing that's shifted between her and Siyeon, and make sure the change is temporary.

"You're right." Minji reaches to squeeze Handong's shoulder. "Thank you, Handong-ah. Really."

Handong pats her hand silently.

  
Handong's words give her strength to not overthink how Siyeon doesn't reaches out to touch her not even once.

And they give her strength to face Siyeon's mother's brief smile and her instant rejection of Minji's offer to help her prepare dinner with brightness and compliance.

  
"I think your mother doesn't like me as your girlfriend," Minji whispers as they settle in the living room. Or, well, Minji has sat, rigidly, on the couch while Siyeon is going through her bag, searching for something. "Which... I shouldn't mind because... you know, but still. I want her to like me, is it weird that I want her to?"

Siyeon's eyes widen momentarily, her forehead lined. "She doesn't _not_ like you, unnie. It's just this... whole thing, she's still getting used to it. Us."

Siyeon is nervous.

"What are you looking for in there?" Minji asks.

"My airpods."

"You put them in your jacket."

Siyeon pauses, then weakly groans in frustration.

Minji smiles, and without thinking, she reaches to hold Siyeon's hand when Siyeon places her bag on the coffee table.

Siyeon is surprised.

"Leave it for later," Minji says, heart starting to thud in her chest as Siyeon peers down at her confusedly. Minji tugs at her hand, hoping it's enough to convey her longing.

"You're nervous, I'm nervous, we can be nervous together." Minji's lips twitch as she holds back a bashful smile.

But then Siyeon's expression softens to something sweet and familiar and needed, and warmth washes Minji from inside out.

She needs her friend.

Siyeon nods, sitting next to her.

 _Close_.

So close Minji is afraid to move a muscle lest she loses her again. No matter how silly or unreal that loss is.

Siyeon doesn't pull her hand, she squeezes hers.

"It's been a tough couple of weeks, hm?"

Siyeon scoffs. "That barely describes them." She's leaning in, but also not at the same time. She's tensed, and pink has crept under her skin.

She's looking at her.

So Minji makes the move for her. She knows Siyeon is comforted by their hugs, so she hugs her.

Siyeon's breath hitches, but she immediately buries her face in Minji's neck.

Minji almost gasps, she's missed her friend so much.

She purses her lips, rubbing Siyeon's back up and down. She breathes her in, she's missed her scent.

It soothes her now, it wraps around her with heavenly warmth.

She says nothing and neither does Siyeon. They don't need to talk about it again, they're facing it like grown ups.

Instead, they talk about pressing matters.

Siyeon tells her, "I'm sorry I was a little... um..."

"Avoiding me?" Minji supplies.

Siyeon whines, she's completely relaxed in her arms now.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Siyeon nods. "Not here."

Minji smiles, sighing. "Okay." She is not worried about anything right now, not with how Siyeon holds her.

She keeps hugging Siyeon until she hears the front door opening.

They pull away hastily.

Minji notices Siyeon's eyes twinkling before her mind gets preoccupied with appearing fully composed as Siyeon's dad announces his presence with excitement.

During dinner, and just like last time, she and Siyeon make sure to share only stories that truly happened, stories filled with their sincere affection for each other.

Minji is full by the time they retreat to Siyeon and her sister's old room.

It's small, its air fresh, and there are two sets of bedding prepared with a pointedly wide distance between them.

Minji is carrying their bags inside the room. Siyeon immediately slumps on her blankets face down.

"Yah, shower first."

"You shower first."

Minji actually wants to lie down for a moment and rest. It's been a long day—well, a long couple of weeks. But she knows she'll get drowsy if she does.

"Okay, then walk with me."

Siyeon mumbles adorably, "must I?"

"Yes!" She fetches her stuff while Siyeon gets up with an endless stream of grunts.

Siyeon is there when she finishes.

After Siyeon is done with her shower and she's back in her room, Siyeon's mother comes.

Minji gets to her feet in the blink of an eye, nervously making sure her pajamas and hair are tidy. Siyeon makes an attempt as her mother asks them if they need anything.

They say no, and Minji thanks her with a deep bow.

Then Siyeon's mother lingers at the door, eyeing her then her daughter with a firm look.

"You both will be well behaved, correct?" She asks them.

Siyeon gasps, "mom, seriously?!" while Minji scrambles to get a reply out and only manages a shaky nod, eyes widened and skin flushed.

"Yes, seriously. Now both of you sleep well, all right?" She says before leaving, an undertone of gentleness in her voice shakes Minji to the core.

Minji almost faints with how wildly her blood pumps through her veins.

"Good night, mom," Siyeon yells as the door closes, to which, she gets a soft, "good night."

  
Minji is frozen at her spot.

And when she manages to move, to look at Siyeon, it's awkward.

Siyeon just bursts in laughter and rushes to her without getting up. She hugs her legs tightly, guiding her to sit down.

"You freaked out, didn't you, unnie?"

Minji unintentionally falls in Siyeon's arms, and the younger woman easily catches her.

"I did not see that coming," she lets out.

"Don't be mad but you had the funniest face ever, gosh I feel sorry the girls missed it."

"Yah! Say that again and see what happens."

"Probably nothing because I don't think you can move yet."

Minji groans, a mixture of embarrassment and ease is causing knots in her guts. Her heart can't calm. She feels like she's pouring sweat.

Yet, she is comfortable in Siyeon's arms.

"Please... singnie," Minji starts weakly. "Please don't tell the girls."

"I won't," Siyeon says. "Or maybe I will. Hmm, decisions decisions."

Minji whimpers frustratingly. "I'll beg, I will."

Siyeon chuckles, tightening her hug. She presses her face to her hair, and Minji likes how that feels.

  
Only good feelings remain as seconds go by while she's in Siyeon's strong embrace.

It's strong, and it steels Minji.

It's strong, coming from such a gentle person.

Minji collects herself, and absently, she thinks that even if she and Siyeon were a real couple, she wouldn't dare to do anything beyond chaste kissing while her girlfriend's parents sleep next room.

She's still pink when she straightens up, and she's still trembling, but she smiles lovingly at Siyeon when their eyes meet.

She likes this moment a lot, Minji finds, she likes being Siyeon's girlfriend. Even if a fake one.

Siyeon blushes, averting her eyes momentarily. She is still holding her in some way, and before she knows it, Minji is afraid the moment will end.

The moment does end.

"I'll get the lights," Siyeon says, getting up.

Minji watches her without meaning to, wanting her back.

  
She knows what that want means, why it swells in her heart and flutters in her stomach dangerously deep. Low.

Minji swallows thickly as darkness washes the room. She settles under the blanket comfortably, she isn't freaking out about that want, that desire. Strangely enough.

"Unnie?"

"Hm?"

"I'm glad it's you," Siyeon says quietly, and vaguely explains, "here. With me in this."

Minji knits her eyebrows together, everything in her is trapped in that desire.

A desire she shouldn't have.

She is nervous when she smiles and says, "anything for you, singnie."

"Mhm. Good night, unnie."

  
Minji doesn't sleep well that night.

  
When the alarm goes off the next day, Minji realizes that the morning has come serenely. It clears up her mind, tells her that she has a chance to maturely and properly deal with the turn that her affection for Siyeon has taken.

She gets up with determination, and Siyeon gets up, as well.

Minji immediately tells her to go back to sleep, but Siyeon mumbles incomprehensibly, appearing content to getting up early with her.

It's sweet and Minji likes it in a way she shouldn't, so she pushes it out of her heart.

  
Minji's train leaves in approximately two hours, and with her shift at the bakery taking up the whole day, she won't be able to see her parents until night.

Siyeon's mother knows that, and she comforts her with food. A lot of it.

Minji stares at the full round table with widened eyes, and from the sounds she hears coming from the kitchen, there's more to come. She looks at Siyeon with worry, but Siyeon holds her hand.

She stands on her toes to whisper in her ear, "you're still my best friend, she'd have done this anyway, and especially because you'll be working almost all day." Siyeon rubs her hand. "You get to have this, unnie."

That calms Minji's heart. It strengthens her determination to protect her friendship with Siyeon at all costs.

  
When they're at the door, Minji isn't pretending when she leans in to hug the younger woman.

"Talk to me whenever you want, okay?"

And she isn't worrying about loving Siyeon's soft murmur, "okay. I'll miss you," or letting Siyeon's lingering kiss on her cheek fill her with sheer happiness.

 _I've got this_ , Minji thinks to herself. She'll make sure things are normal between her and Siyeon.

"Me too," Minji whispers.

(There's pink in Siyeon's cheeks, but Minji doesn't think too much of it. Siyeon must be feeling awkward and shy about doing that while her parents think that they're in love.)

  
It should be easy. Getting over the pleasantly warm rush that takes over her whenever her thoughts stray toward Siyeon with a different tone to them.

It should be easy, especially with the fact that they won't have to pretend to be dating except for one last time. During Siyeon's birthday party.

The next few weeks will go like before, Minji anticipates that. And the talk that Siyeon mentioned.

Minji can actually see the two of them opening up what's got in between them and working it out. She can practically feel how normal things will be again between her and Siyeon.

But the first time Siyeon is free from school and work is when they're gathering for their weekly night in. It always happens at hers and Bora's place, they order food and watch movies and simply relax while catching up on each other.

Minji of course doesn't expect the talk to happen now, so she just resigns to enjoy the night as is.

And while Minji has forgotten about that tiny embarrassing moment with Siyeon's mother, Siyeon has not and she doesn't tell about it.

"I have to preserve Minji unnie's pride," Siyeon seriously, "but also I might end up shooting myself in the foot because of how guilty I'll feel. So I won't say it now, maybe later." She turns to her. "How does that sound, unnie?"

"What, not even a hint?" Bora asks, shocked.

Siyeon shakes her head.

Minji is beaming with a huge smile before she knows it, only because of Siyeon's cheerfulness, while Gahyeon comments, "you're saving yourself, but act like you're doing Minji unnie a huge favor."

"Hush, brat," Siyeon replies.

"Ugh, at least Minji unnie likes it," Gahyeon says.

Minji perks up, having realized she hasn't actually commented.

She meets Siyeon's eyes, and her friend smiles shyly before moving on.

 _She must be still embarrassed about it_ , Minji thinks.

  
Siyeon sits next to her when the movie starts, she holds her hand normally and she speaks to her without a hint of awkwardness or self-consciousness. It feels good, it feels like absolute happiness and ease; knowing that her friendship with Siyeon is intact.

And when it doesn't last, she follows Handong's advice and trusts that friendship.

Siyeon lets go of her hand at some point; she adjusts the hem of her pants, and proceeds to fidget with it for a while. Minji notices it all only because her hand is acutely cold without Siyeon's warmth.

Siyeon gets up not long after, to get a drink, and though Minji _has_ to try to not watch her, her heart beats fast with worry that she won't return to the spot next to her.

Her worry proves to be both wrong and accurate. Siyeon doesn't return, but she also doesn't sit anywhere else, she lingers beside Yoohyeon's chair while arguing about the movie.

Minji realizes she has been staring, waiting for her.

She quickly lowers her head and changes her posture on the couch. Her eyes fall on Gahyeon's, and there's a look of confusion in them.

Gahyeon awkwardly smiles and looks away, reaching for her drink to sip it down in one long breath.

Minji is confused, too.

Sometimes, when Minji or Bora make plans with Siyeon, the latter spends the night at their place. She has spaces cleared for her personal times in both bathrooms and bedrooms, and one of her favorite mugs has long found a home next to Minji's and Bora's in the kitchen.

She never has to worry about clothes if she needs to change; she'll always ask, and never ask for pieces she knows her friends have a special connection to, but Minji will admit that both her and Bora will give Siyeon anything she wants. Clothes and whatnot.

  
Minji is lying on her bed when Siyeon enters her bedroom. She's used her bathroom this time, and so Minji has kept the door opened. Actually, she's rarely been using Bora's bathroom ever since she got together with Yoohyeon, all because she doesn't want to cause any inconveniences.

She is wrapped in a towel. Wet, black hair is dripping water as she dries it, soft, milky skin shimmer alluringly.

Minji's determination to not change anything about their friendship crumbles easily.

Minji immediately averts her eyes when she never had to before, a certain kind of heat threatening to burst in the pit of her stomach. She blocks it with the smallest of hesitation, it still trickles deep.

Deeper. _Lower_.

She focuses on her phone, scrolling through her Instagram feed without seeing a single thing, and she stops only when Siyeon asks, softly laughing, "why are you glaring at the phone?"

Minji flinches subtly. "Hm? Oh, nothing. I thought I saw something but I can't find it."

Siyeon is all dressed up now, she's still drying her hair, and Minji faces another struggle.

She knows how Siyeon smells after shower, she knows how heated her skin is and how she gets sleepy; whatever needs she hasn't tended to properly are tempting her to feel something, something good, by using her memories.

Minji clears her throat, and distracts herself.

She doesn't notice that Siyeon's eyes are on her until it's too late.

Siyeon comes to sit by her side.

Minji can't look away, she doesn't want to.

 _Want_.

She doesn't _not_ want that desire she has unintentionally had for her best friend.

She shouldn't, but she wants... it, she realizes untimely.

Siyeon's gazing at her thoughtfully; Minji knows that look, so with a trembling heart, with fear of desiring her friend, she asks, "what's wrong?"

"I haven't had the time to tell you this, but mom asked me about you," Siyeon says with a smile. "She asked me if I was happy with you, and I said yes."

Minji puts down her phone and leans on her elbow, her senses and her mind and her heart fixate on Siyeon in familiar and unfamiliar ways.

"It's both a lie and not a lie, I am happy with you, unnie."

Minji nods as Siyeon adds, "I really, really want to make it up for her. I have to make sure my voice acting debut is a success."

"It will be, you've worked hard for it," Minji murmurs, her mind is slightly hazy as Siyeon's flowery scent fills her nostrils and heat radiates nicely from her.

Minji wants to hold her properly in her arms, but she doesn't trust that her heart and body wouldn't react in the way they shouldn't.

 _She's reached that low_ , she thinks, _and she hates it_.

She hates how weak she is being against Siyeon, her scent only worsens that weakness. Minji doesn't want to resist it, she wants to inhale it deeply and keep it in her lungs.

She attempts a reassuring smile, but it doesn't feel right as Siyeon looks at her with unreadable look in her eyes. "Yeah, I was actually thinking, once everything is settled, I should maybe try... I don't know... enjoy myself a little more."

Siyeon's eyes dart lower, to her lips, and linger there, confusing Minji.

Minji's gut twist, scorching heat coiling in her groin as Siyeon meets her eyes again.

"Mhm, I should probably do the same," she replies, "enjoy myself... a little... more."

She notes how the air between them is being charged. Pleasantly so. It's getting hot and heavy, it's clouding Minji's mind yet allowing only one thought to blare loudly.

_Could it be?_

_Could it be that Siyeon's feeling the same desire she feels?_

Minji stares at Siyeon with puzzlement when she sees how she clenches her jaw, when she sees how dark and inviting her eyes have gotten.

Minji makes it to ask, as vaguely as she can, but her tiny movement breaks the tension.

"I should let you sleep," she says, and Minji desperately _wants_. She wants her to stay and talk with her more, she wants to hear all of her struggles and sadness, she wants to ask her why did she avoid her and does she maybe like her?

Before she can though, Siyeon is leaving her room.

"'Night, unnie."

Minji is gaping at the closed door.

_They had a moment._

Minji can try to reason it out all she wants, but she's never seen Siyeon looks at her that way and she likes it. She likes how it made her feel, how it drew her in to her, how it got her wet and frustrated. (Minji didn't sleep that night, she just stayed up, aggressively trying to find all the pros and cons of asking Siyeon about them. Dating, or... them, having sex, or— _fuck_. Minji got herself even more frustrated.)

  
They had a moment, and though Minji doesn't know if it's love or unexpected lust, she doesn't even try to find that determination from a week ago. She feels something for Siyeon and she needs to tell her about it.

She needs to be honest.

But Siyeon is busy. Or tells her that she is busy.

Siyeon is avoiding her again, it's evident, and it drives Minji crazy.

She gets impulsive.

It happens when they gather at a nightclub. Deukae, one of their favorites.

It's never suffocatingly crowded, just enough to make it boom with the fiery joy and excitement of having a good time.

Minji is standing at their high table with Yubin and breathless Yoohyeon, who's taking a break from dancing with their friends. Her blood is thrumming with heat, with need, when Siyeon follows Yoohyeon.

She's there for her drink, she downs it, and announces that she needs another.

She's beautiful, her skin flushed and attractive in the dim and flashy lights.

Minji loses it.

When Siyeon turns to leave, Minji grasps her wrist. "Come with me for a second?"

Siyeon meets her with shock and silence, and Minji can sense their two friends stilling, but then Siyeon nods.

Minji doesn't let go of her hand as thye maneuver their way through people, Siyeon doesn't pull it. She holds hers with her other, she properly entwines their hands, making Minji's heart beat hard. _Harder_.

They go outside through a backdoor, they fall into the cool weather of the night.

The music turns into a steady thud when the door closes; Minji blurts out, "you're avoiding me. Again."

Minji's hand is still trapped in a sweet fire, one that now ignites her whole body slowly.

"Did I do something?" Minji asks, aware of how pitiful she sounds, "is it what we're doing? I know you feel guilty, but I didn't notice anything different between you and the girls—"

"I think I'm having feelings for you," Siyeon interrupts. "Lo—love feelings."

Minji hears her, and sees dread fill her eyes.

She sees _tears_ collecting in her enchanting eyes, and it breaks Minji's heart.

She pulls her in without thinking as she whispers, "unnie, I'm sorry," and kisses her.

It's proper at first, strong and mellow and delicious. It's good because Siyeon kisses her back hastily.

Then Siyeon gasps, breaking the kiss.

Minji's breathing has quickened, just from one kiss.

Siyeon stills in her embrace, her hands clutching her collar and her shoulder.

She isn't pushing her away, she is heaving and she... she's tugging at her.

Whatever remaining clarity Minji has left tells her to wait, to speak with words first.

"I don't want to lose you, I want to love you in every way you want me to. Want to be with you in every way we can."

Siyeon hugs her strongly, bringing her breaths to a hitch with her whimper and her familiar need to seek comfort in her neck.

She presses her face there, and Minji gathers her patience until doubts take over her heart achingly.

"Did I—did I misunderstand your words?"

Siyeon shakes her head, then pulls back. Every movement makes Minji fully aware of how good hugging Siyeon feels. Good in the same old way, good in this new way that makes her knees weak.

Her eyes are glassy; Minji wants her tears gone.

"I'm pretty sure you just said I love you," Siyeon says, carefully drying her tears in the hem of blouse. "Unnie, you haven't even taken me in a date yet."

Minji could tease her, but her chest is getting full with relief. "I'll fix that, where do you want to go? Tomorrow's night, seven."

Siyeon laughs shyly, _happily_ , leaning in to hug her.

—

They don't tell their friends.

It's evident that they're okay, and their friends do ask, but Siyeon and Minji decide to wait until a few days.

They don't try to hide that something has happened between them, it's pointless when Siyeon's planned to spend the night at Minji's and Bora's place anyway.

Their friends don't push, and with how drunk Bora and Yoohyeon are, the ride back home is not as awkward as it could've been. They're in the backseat of a taxi, the four of them. Their other friends have already returned home.

Siyeon rests her head on the backseat. On the other end, there's Minji. Between them, there are their friends drunkenly teasing her.

Minji plays along with them; Siyeon falls for her a little more.

Siyeon doesn't mean to go Minji's bedroom. They've made sure their friends are awake enough to collect themselves, they've made sure Handong and Yubin and Gahyeon reached home safely. The two of them have agreed to talk about the recent development tomorrow, with fresh and clear minds.

Everything is okay. She can go to sleep now. She can stop staring into the darkness of the living room and go to sleep.

But her body is still buzzing; her heart is swelled with longing, with happiness and worry and many feelings that Siyeon can't identify yet. A lie has become a truth, after all. Or will...

Siyeon knocks on the door, and enters when Minji answers.

Minji is under the covers, but sits upright when she sees her. She switches on one the bedside lamps.

Siyeon doesn't know how to say this. This being her longing for Minji, her desire to be with her in any way possible.

"I know we just said we'll talk about it, but can I sleep with you?" She says bashfully. "Just sleep!"

She means it.

  
Minji removes the covers from one side, a silent acceptance.

Siyeon doesn't hesitate to go. She climbs in, and she settles for nothing but the closest to Minji.

Minji hugs her even closer. She kisses her cheek once, and again. She lingers there.

"I missed you," Minji mumbles.

"I like you, too." Siyeon's eyes widen upon realizing what she's said. "Oh, I missed you, too," she says with a chuckle.

Minji replies with an adorable whine, kissing her again.

The day of her birthday, Siyeon is beaming with happiness; with relief, two kinds of it.

It's not only that her feelings for Minji are reciprocated, but she isn't faking a relationship anymore.

It doesn't wash away the guilt of having done it, but she's coming to terms with it.

She's anticipating a third kind of relief, one that she and Minji have agreed to move toward slowly.

 _They've only called it official a few days ago_ , Siyeon tells herself while she watches Minji prepare the pastries and cake she's brought, _she can wait_. She can wait for Minji's kisses and touches and heat—

Someone clearing her throat pulls Siyeon out of her thoughts abruptly. It's Yubin and she looks impatient.

"Hm?"

"You're drooling," Yubin says.

Siyeon quickly wipes her mouth but there's nothing.

Yubin quickly moves before she reacts, probably with a cuss. "Come on, we have to go. Gahyeonnie sent two reminders already."

Siyeon follows her, and does pay back, "oh, then can we get coffee? I feel so distracted by Minji's hot lo—"

Yubin immediately says, "okay!"

" _Love_."

"Ugh."

"Hey," Siyeon says as they leave the apartment, "you know, I actually followed your advice. A few weeks ago, you told me when the road is vague, go for the obvious route. And I did. Twice." Siyeon says happily. "First I hid my feelings from Minji unnie to protect our friendship, then I told her. To protect our friendship."

Yubin looks astonished. "That's... I didn't even know you were upset because you had feelings for her, what the hell, unnie?! I thought it was about lying to your mother."

Siyeon links their arms, nodding as she says, "it was a good advice. And well, it's sort of related, so..."

"So?! I could've ruined everything between you and Minji unnie."

Siyeon shakes her head, she'd have joked had Yubin not looked genuinely concerned. "You couldn't have. My relationship with Minji unnie isn't..." she smiles. "...easy to ruin." She sees Yubin's frown softening into consideration, and now she jokes, "and now that we're getting into each other's pants—"

Yubin practically shrieks as she hastily walks outside the building.

Siyeon only laughs, running after her. She's happy, possibly the happiest.


End file.
